for 2011 and 2012.

year in year out, i slowly forget why i live in this life.  

New year came here but i can't feel it anymore. I don't expect to be happy to have a big step turn me to another amazing way in this year. Or, actually, i'm scared of it.

People come and go easily, I'm my own best friend from somewhere in yesterday, it may be temporary, or maybe not.

2011, i'm nothing than a loser in almost everything. Happy moments are still so fragile and blurred. I'm stronger than yesterday in somebody's eyes because i didn't shed my tears in front of anyone often. I was exhausted, and just let it be.

 As someone says

 "Pain is the most important thing in the universes. Greater than survival, greater than love, greater even than the beauty it brings about. For without pain, there can be no pleasure. Without sadness, there can be no happiness. Without misery there can be no beauty. And without these, life is endless, hopeless, doomed and damned."

  I stopped complaining about what i've been suffered  and i try to grow up after everytime i fail. It's hard but I know I have to. And sometimes, I still feel hurt. My heart bleeds in every beat but no one can see the blood. They couldn't, they can't, they will never do, except i tell them. This is what loneliness is. Nobody cares about you and your feelings. They think you will go over it soon, but everyone knows that it will never fade away. If it does, why are there so many people live in their own tragedies for the rest of their lives ?

  My life has the tendency to fall apart and all i wish for the new year is to make it stops, to be happy with my life.

   please.